My journey with bodybuilding has unlikely beginnings. Having been born in January of 2001, I was part of those inoculated with the beginnings of the Superhero film genre. While Tim Burton’s 1989 “Batman” film and the 1978 “Superman” by Richard Donner certainly broke ground, it wasn’t until the 2000s that the genre became the cultural phenomenon that it is to this day.
I was 2 when I first saw Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man. I bonded with the kinetic editing of the film along with the grand spectacle and I quickly became obsessed with the titular character. From that point on, I had gathered a massive collection of Spidey action figures, various DVD/VHS of the multiple cartoons, Comic Book reprints, lamps, blankets, shirts, shoes, anything I saw with the branding of the costumed character.
Having been raised in a Christian household, the attributes of Peter Parker were the very embodiment of what I longed to be. He was idolized by the little guy while himself being of them, he fought for what was morally correct at his own personal loss. All of this was compiled with the burden of needing to be the very best version of himself he could be, while being a fallible man. I too felt like I had a “great responsibility” though, I never knew what it was.
So needless to say, the little version of myself would run around climbing anything in sight and using white out as fake spider webs. My antics were not too dissimilar from those of my piers, I wanted to be Spider Man, I was planning on even becoming a photographer and moving to New York City. At some points I probably even considered it my destiny to climb walls and swing hundreds of feet through the air, assuming that some grand force would allow it to happen. I was a kid, gimme a break okay?
So what then, does that have to do with my later journey into bodybuilding? More than you’d think.
My teenage years are best described as years of a sloth. While my childhood self sought for the ideals and moral rigidness of Peter Parker, my high-school self was destructive and nihilistic. While I had been gradually gaining weight since around the age of 7, by the time I reached 13 I was obese. It was at this time my mother had also left the church in which she worked, removing me from a group of friends I had known for the entirety of my life up to that point. I was lonely, depressed, and turned to food for help and video games for companionship. While I do not consider video games to be a negative thing in moderation, I would not do anything but turn on my Playstation or watch Youtube videos. Often into the whee hours of the morning.
The lack of physical activity and human interaction led to the most neurotic and socially awkward version of myself. I had 0 self confidence and when reaching the age of….ahem….admiration of the opposite sex, this was not a good thing.
It was at age 16 I reached 220lbs. I estimate my Bodyfat percentage to have been around 40-45 percent. I
was ruining my shirts with pit stains, like literally all of them, and constantly had the few friends I had call me fat. It sucked. I decided to make a change for one core reason however, the girl up the street.
In the span of about 4 months I used shadowboxing and biking compiled with a relatively decent (at the time it was for me) diet to get my weight down to 190lbs. Having the new found self-confidence from the weight loss, I did indeed achieve the girl up the streets email. The later fact that I blew up any chance of a relationship later is irrelevant to the current tale.
However, even with all of this the social neurosis was still present, and while I did have more confidence, I was still constantly chasing the dragon. Trying to get in better shape thinking that would improve my social status and thus my mental state.
Over the course of the next 3 months I got down to 155lbs. I was skinny and not muscular. My routine was also incredibly fatiguing, essentially amounting to 2 hours of cardio 6 days a week at minimum. I lost interest.
Now from ages 17-19 I was actually able to stay pretty lean compared to what I was at previous. I did not fluctuate over 180lbs for a long while. I had a very physical job, setting up a catering hall and working events, and my diet really hadn’t devolved to the previous level of awfullness.
Then came March 2020. The famous virus that ruined the lives of millions, had a lesser but still damaging effect on myself. Before the reopening of the catering center I had worked at, and now managed, I had put on 20lbs and gotten addicted to food. Between March of 2020 and March of 2022 I had reached a new high weight of 230lbs.
So…I did the old routine. I brought out my bike as soon as spring hit and started cycling, then in April, I broke my arm. I had run my bike into a stop sign while waving at a passing car, real brilliant I know. Any and all progress I made was completely shattered.
I was determined to not be in this mindset anymore however, not to give in, to be the very best version of myself that I could be. The cast came off in June. I bought a weight bench, I bought a barbell, I bought cheap Walmart weights, I bought dumbbells, I trained full body every single day of the week.
My diet at the time was identical day in and day out. It was also equally as horrible as my fat diet, just in the opposite sense. Knowing what I know about physical activity and fitness now, I never would recommend this to anyone. I was not receiving nearly enough nutrition.
My daily routine would consist of waking up, training in some asinine way, and eating a banana and oatmeal as a reward. I would then do whatever work I had for the day, or errand, and do cardio in the evening. I would come back home, make a tuna sandwich and an apple. Years later, I found out Christian Bale’s diet
for “The Machinist” was not too different from mine, he added cigarettes to the mix though which I fortunately did not.
From May 2022 until September 2022 I went from 230lbs to 146lbs. I felt like crap but hey I was skinny. Still had no muscle mass. At this point I hired a trainer, who basically told me I was insane, and gave me a more structured regiment to follow, which I promptly ignored. I was stupid.
The one area I did follow in the plan however, was protein. Being in my 20s and increasing my protein intake, even with the ridiculous amount of cardio and malnutrition I was practicing, did allow me to build a more muscular physique. By my birthday in 2023, I had my favorite physique up to that point, having gained 9lbs of lean mass and reaching a weight of 155lbs. I still wasn’t satisfied and it also was not a maintainable lifestyle.
Between cardio and weight training my time spent working out was boarding on 4hrs a day on average. That is not including the already physical activity of moving tables and chairs around for my catering gig, or carrying food trays up and down stairs. The constant feeling of hunger and fatigue was excruciating. But I was chasing the dragon.
It was in the spring of 2023 that I had again broken another bone. Moving a stack of tables into a hallway, the cart they were on began to fall down the staircase, I ran to move out of the way and jammed my toe against a step, breaking it. Thankfully, I avoided the tables, in the process nearly giving my self a heart attack, but regardless still broke the toe. Before that, I was 160lbs still lean.
During the healing process, I put on 15 pounds of pure fat. None of it was muscle. It was incredibly mentally difficult to see myself reach such a point of leanness and hit a wall like that.
As soon as the cast came off, I hit cardio again. Knowing a little bit more than I did prior, I lost the weight slower. I maintained a consistent energy level, I didn’t lose muscle, and I got back to 160lbs. This was when I really got into bodybuilding as a sport, and not just fitness. I was watching videos by Greg Doucette, Pigmie, and learning about the likes of Chris Bumstead and Dorian Yates. My goals switched nearly on the spot.
What I was doing simply to avoid getting fat again, quickly became something I actually genuinely loved. The way all the bodybuilders would talk about dieting down for a show and getting to 6 percent body fat, I could relate to it. However, with them it was different.
They went on purposeful mass phases and purposeful cut phases. The champions, weren’t defeated by the mirror and a little bit of fluff weight in the off season, recognizing the purpose in having more energy to build more muscle before cutting weight for the various shows. They also preached that severe leanness levels were not to be maintained year round, that it was for their competition(s) and that alone. In August of 2023,
I had again reached 160lbs, and decided to prep for a competition.
It wasn’t until the following month that I found my current coach, Jeromy Bryk, and I am, as of writing this, five weeks out from my first show date.
Jeromy had me again go through a massing phase. However, it was far more structured and kept cardio in place. Limiting fat gain and keeping the heart healthy. My highest weight was 181lbs at the end of December 2023, I am now at 153 and still dieting down. Again, this time it’s for a purpose, this time I know it’s not something I can do year round. This time, I’m okay with a little more fluff that will certainly come after the show.
It is not until recently that I’ve made the connection to those early Spider-Man films and their effect on my later life. I idolized Peter for his ability to rise up when the odds were against him, I admired his constant strain towards being a better version of himself. With this he also carries a burden of guilt with him everywhere he goes, and feels anger and self hatred when he fails. The former always carries the latter with it, it’s not until you go through self-loathing that you can be the best version of yourself for the benefit of those around you.
The “great responsibility” I referred to earlier is present in everyone. You owe it to yourself, your family, and possibly society as a whole to be the best version of yourself you can be. But like Peter Parker, whatever superpower you may carry, cannot be the only thing to define you. Like Spider-man, you too are human, therefore fallible. You will fail, and you need to forgive yourself when you do.
That took me a long time to learn and I am still not there entirely. During the time my toe was broken I genuinely hated myself for how much weight I gained. I didn’t allow for time to reconcile changes, or to forgive failure.
I am still chasing the dragon, that will never stop. It may with bodybuilding, once I reach a point where I can no longer see gains, but it will always be something. That, I think, is our great responsibility in the end.
If you look at the individuals who built the world, they had multiple careers. Outside from politics, Lincoln was a lawyer, wrestler, captain in the Black Hawk war, and even worked the waterways. Ben Franklin was practically everything that existed at the time, Howard Hughes built a airplane empire, made films and bribed politicians (allegedly).
My point is that all the individuals in history, though they may be remembered for one thing, were more often than not chasing the dragon. Attempting to adhere to the great responsibility of being the best version of themselves possible.
I strive everyday to be better than the day before, that desire initially sparked from my Christian upbringing,
fostered in a more understandable way by Spider-man and lastly, It was through bodybuilding that I learned how to craft it mentally.